LiveWorld Transcripts

iBreast presents

Dr. Marisa Weiss and Joan Hermann
Your Kids and Your Cancer

August 17, 2000

Dr. Marisa Weiss, a breast cancer specialist and Joan Hermann, the Director of Social Work Services at the renowned Fox Chase Cancer Center in Philadelphia answer questions about how mothers can talk to their children when they have been diagnosed with breast cancer.

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Ibreast.com: Welcome, everyone, to our third ibreast.com(TM) Nighttime Chat, held in collaboration with Living Beyond Breast Cancer®, a nonprofit education organization. Our moderator this evening is Dr. Marisa Weiss, a breast cancer specialist with an active practice in the Philadelphia area. In addition, Dr. Weiss is president and founder of ibreast.com(TM), and of Living Beyond Breast Cancer®. Dr. Weiss is author of the book "Living Beyond Breast Cancer." Before Dr. Weiss introduces tonight's special guest, we remind you that, for specific personal medical advice, you need to speak with your own healthcare team. Also, tonight's questions will only relate to our topic - Your Kids and Your Cancer. If you sign up for free email at the site www.ibreast.com/res news signup.html you will receive advance notice of all live events.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Thank you, and welcome everyone. Tonight we're tackling one of the most difficult topics in the world of breast cancer - caring for our children while we struggle to care for ourselves. I'm delighted to have with us a member of our Professional Advisory Board, who helps families deal with these issues every day. Joan Hermann is the Director of Social Work Services at the renowned Fox Chase Cancer Center in Philadelphia. She produced a videotape called "Talking About Your Cancer - A Parent's Guide to Helping Children Cope", and developed a workbook for children to express their feelings about a parent's illness. Joan has great insights and resources to offer. A list of books, videos and other resources will be in the transcript of this chat, and available at ibreast.com next week. Right now, we have a full hour and a half to answer your questions and help you with your concerns. Welcome, Joan!

Joan Hermann: I'm very glad to be able to talk to people who are concerned about the impact of cancer on their children. I've learned a lot over the past 30 years or so about what people are concerned about.

Dr. Weiss: Joan has a tremendous amount of experience about what goes on inside the minds of the woman herself and her children.

Joan Hermann: In my experience, women worry a great deal that this experience will somehow have a very negative impact on their children. In my experience, the way a child copes with a parent's cancer very much depends on how the parent is doing, so the parent has a lot of control over the way their children interpret the world and make sense out of what's happening.

Dr. Weiss: So it's like other important things, where the children pick up their cues from you.

ICCHY: How much exactly should children know about the cancer a parent has? What age groups should or are capable of knowing what?

Joan Hermann: I would say from about ages 3 and older, children need to be told very basic information - information like the name of the cancer (in this case, breast cancer); what will happen in terms of treatment; what Mom will experience; will it be chemotherapy, surgery, or radiation; and what side effects these treatments are going to have.

Dr. Weiss: And also will she need to be in the hospital. It's also important to let your child know if you are going to start looking different.

Joan Hermann: I think that the major issue for children is their own need for safety and security, so how will the family's life change as a result of what's happening? If Mom's in the hospital, who will pick the children up from school, who will cook dinner - basic things like that, so the child is reassured that mom is still taking care of them. The basic message is that you will be taken care of, no matter what happens. And that's universal for any age child.

Dr. Weiss: When Mom is in the hospital, I think it's also really important for the child to know that Mom is being taken care of in the hospital. Many children think that bad things might happen to her in the hospital, because when she comes home she may look sick. She may go in looking well and come out looking sick.

Joan Hermann: It's also a very good idea for somebody to let the child visit the hospital to see what their mom is experiencing. I think little kids can go into hospitals safely if they are prepared and the parent does not look terribly, terribly sick. Two- and three-year-olds can visit the hospital if the mother has the energy for it and, of course, any child who goes into the hospital needs to be prepared for what they will see. So, nurses are often very helpful with that. What's that IV pole? Why does mommy have a Band-Aid on? Those kinds of questions.

Dr. Weiss: There are so many simple things that you need to think about them seeing, like the IV pole and that stuff.

Joan Hermann: But the message, again, is that the people in the hospital are taking care of Mom.

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